NPE Friends Fellowship provides emotional, educational, and practical support to those who have discovered that one or both parents were not their biological parent(s). We are a fraternity of friends, supporting each other through sharing and offering solutions to challenges faced by those who are traumatized from this personal revelation.
Our goal is to achieve Peace while adapting to our new realities. Our primary objective is to help our members heal, while trying to strengthen existing relationships and nurture the new ones created by the Non-Parental Event.
This Fellowship personalizes the "Not Parent Expected" experience. We are your sisters, your brothers, your uncles or aunts, your cousins, and even your own mom or dad. The percentage of the general population who has experienced an NPE themselves is alarmingly high. We feel a responsibility to educate the public about the complexities of experiencing an NPE.
The Fellowship provides support and advocacy for those who discover their own personal NPE. This is a safe place where you can share fears and anxieties, along with humor with someone who is walking the same path.
We validate the emotions being processed, offer words of advice when requested, encourage seeking professional counseling, and reinforce each other emotionally for the anticipated responses from other family members and friends.
Other responsibilities we embrace include:
DNA Test Grant Program - awarding DNA test kits to those who have an opportunity to confirm their biological parent(s), but cannot afford to purchase a test.
Travel Grant Program - to supplement travel expenses (for those who qualify based on financial need and circumstances surrounding the urgency for quick travel) in order to allow them to meet their biological parent or sibling.
Goals for 2019 include:
Complete non-profit 501(c)(3) status.
Advocate in the best interest of our membership base – protecting our rights to access of legal disclosure of general family medical history, and the ability to easily and legally modify birth certificates to reflect the accurate information concerning our parents, while offering our member base the option to change their name legally at the same time – without the added burden of prohibitive legal expenses.
Our secondary vision is to educate the public about this new and unique dynamic and how it impacts us. Societal norms put all the focus on the needs of the biological parents at the time of conception and rarely took into account the devastating impact this could have on the child discovering this in their adulthood.
Our goal is to dispel the attitudes our parents and grandparents were indoctrinated with and to eradicate the social stigma that created the dynamic of the existence of NPEs through public education and enlightenment. We must share our stories with the general public to be rid of these old societal norms of shame and judgment on past decisions made that resulted in our existence.
No child should grow up under the cloak of a secret or a lie as to their own personal origins. No adult should be forced to reflect on how their lives could have been different – if only they knew all along. No adult should grieve at a parent’s grave because they were never given the option of knowing them before they died.
And NO-ONE should ever look in the mirror and see a ghost in their reflection because they don't know where they came from.
If we are successful, the era of NPEs will fade away over the next twenty years. We deserve to know our origins and to have an opportunity to explore a relationship with our DNA families, whether that's only through photographs and stories recorded or through building a personal relationship with them.
Here's how the infrastructure works:
Facebook categorizes Groups into three categories:
PUBLIC - for all to access and to locate in a search
CLOSED - can be located in a group search, but is not listed on the member's page as a group they are members of. Those searching for it can see any of their mutual friends who are members before they join themselves. Screening questions are used when new members attempt to join.
SECRET - not listed on the member's page as a group they are members of and not accessible in any group search. Access is by invitation only by an administrator of the group.
Our business social media pages are PUBLIC.
Our Facebook DNA NPE Gateway group is CLOSED.
Our NPE Friends Fellowship Facebook communities are SECRET.
The online NPE community is categorized as SECRET to protect the privacy of our member base. Everything posted inside our group is seen only by other members of the group. Outsiders can not see anyone inside our secret group. Outsiders cannot even see or successfully search for our group name. This gives the strongest security for privacy to our members.
The drawback is that others, who discover their own NPE, can not find us when they need us.
So, we created our screening station called DNA NPE Gateway. It is a CLOSED Facebook Group.
It can be found in group searches when key words are entered, such as NPE or DNA. This allows those on the outside to find their way to us. Once they locate DNA NPE Gateway, and they attempt to join it, they are required to answer screening questions designed to ascertain if they have experienced an NPE and that they commit to respect the privacy of our community.
The only long-term sitting members of the Gateway are our administrators, who are trained to screen new members. We engage in a dialogue with each one after they've answered the questions satisfactorily.
Once approved for membership, the administrator will then guide them into our secret community. The new member is immediately removed from the Gateway and any posts made that tagged them are deleted. This is done to continue to protect privacy so that as new members pass through, there is no evidence left that a previous member is named in the Gateway.
Requests to join our community are made daily. About 95% are approved. The rest are determined to not qualify for a variety of other reasons.
Imagine our two groups as rooms. The following diagram is a good description of how our "rooms" operate:
WHY IS IT NECESSARY THAT WE ARE A SECRET GROUP?
We are a SECRET group because this subject is a major hot button among families who experience an NPE. Many people are concerned about exposure of their privacy. We offer a relatively safe place where our members can be candid about their experiences and feelings.
Because our members are going through their own family issues over their NPE status, we have a bond that insures the respect of privacy. We encourage each other to be patient and compassionate and forgiving as much as is possible, in order to allow us to find our peace.
Anything shared within our community STAYS within our community.
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